Alot of people of this day and age seem to be struggling with commitment, more importantly the idea of finding the right person. I myself am also a victim to this viral ‘disease’. And recently, I had put two and two together and realized that 80% of why I’m never satisfied in a romantic relationship can be tied to how monogamy is reinforced. Monogamy is not the enemy, but I think we might have endorsed it the wrong way. Here’s what I think is the main reason why.
'You will want to settle down once you find the right person'
I swear we have heard this phrase being thrown around more than footballs in the NFL (probably not). Now that I have seen enough of the dating scene, I realized it is just a comforting lie your friends say to you when you’re being ghosted by yet another one of your Bumble situationships, ‘It takes the right person for somebody to want to settle down’.
But there is no ‘right person’, it is just another scam, like tour packages to another country or all-you-can-eat buffets. The whole dating situation has been made to be about the other person instead of ourselves. I read something very eye-opening recently, and that is ‘we will want to settle down once we are ready’. As soon as I heard that, I felt comfort rushing over me like a mother’s embrace, like a father’s ‘I’m proud of you’, and a friend’s offering to pay so we both can eat. Cause all the while I was searching for love to fill my incompletedness, I had never been more unfulfilled.
Many people I have met who struggle to commit like myself, are caught up in the same net and the net is we simply haven’t found someone who crosses off ALL the boxes for us, and damn right we won’t cause if we ever find ones anywhere, they’re likely living in our mirrors, cause we are basically some narcissistic assholes. Excuse my french.
But the perspective shift from settling down with the right person to settling down when you are ready is major. Cause now, settling down is our responsibility, filling our own incompletedness, making sure we are truly ready when it happens, building ourselves up for that perfect moment, making it our job, not somebody else’s. I think with this mindset shift, we are able to go into relationship without the heavy expectations on our partner.
Once we have dated enough people, we will realize that it does not just take a great person to build our life with. Surprisingly, good men are everywhere, but the question is are you ready? Because once you are ready, you will find yourself making all the right choices like an adult with a fully developed frontal lobe. That’s my take on dating in my 20s.
